A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life..

rizal at balagtas

2007-01-29T16:51:00.000-08:00

"Patay na.. ni hindi ko nakita..
Namatay nang hindi nalalaman na nabubuhay ako para sakanya.."
- Simoun, "Isang Bangkay", El Filibusterismo ni Jose Rizal

"`Pag ikaw ang napasok sa puso ninuman;
Hahamakin ang lahat, masunod ka lamang."
- Florante, Florante at Laura ni Fransisco Balagtas

i take it all back.

2006-12-31T10:02:00.000-08:00

"I've had enough.

No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much.

I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of.

No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my lunch wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.

No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. And no, never will I again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.

I am moving on.

I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left but that once you stayed.

And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that I feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the boy who left.

I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here, you're not.

I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile.

I am moving on, hoping that the next thing would be letting go."

To you.. (& I don't give a rat's ass if you're not able to read it. Whatever.)

Okay. Here goes.

I take back EVERYTHING I said, most especially the above statement.

Blaming you for everything that's happened to me and for all the crap I've been through was a stupid mistake.

And for this I AM TERRIBLY SORRY.

It's time to take responsibility for my own actions. I lived the way I lived over the past two years because it was MY CHOICE, not because you left me or what-not. I decided to brood and moan and whine over EVERY LITTLE THING that's happened to me and all I ever did was point the finger at you, and I think everyone around me realized that wasn't fair. And after reading a few of my own blog entries I realized I've been bitter and unforgiving.. and that, my friend, was the worst realization ever. You're my brother in Christ, therefore, I must treat you with respect and I must long for you SINCERELY with the affection of Christ Jesus.

I think it's time we both start with a clean slate (although I know you've started with one ages ago). More than anything, I know we both deserve it. It was both given to us.. you know, that chance to start over. But I think the difference between us is that you grabbed it and I didn't.

Happy new year to you. I hope we both find happiness in HIM who loves us most. Again, I'm sorry.

i am such a loser.

2006-12-31T09:12:00.000-08:00

Site is under construction.

:)

marissa in berkeley

2006-10-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

"I was the girl on yearbook, charity league, social chair," Marissa said. "Whatever my mom told me to do. I got straight A's, sometimes a B in Math, but my dad was a whiz, so he'd help me. And then on weekends I rode my sister's pony. I even won some blue ribbons," she narrated.

"And then what happened?" Zach asked.

"Well," Marissa continued. "My dad lost all of his money, the pony lost all its hair, and my mom kind of lost her mind. I got kicked out of school," she said. She paused and looked pensive for a while, then continued. "And my friend died. I guess everything happened. Then at some point, I just stopped being the girl who belonged at college, or anywhere, for that matter."

"Everyone belongs somewhere," Zach replied.

"Maybe not everyone," Marissa answered. "Maybe they just get lost."

remember, remember, the 5th of november

2006-10-11T03:50:00.000-07:00

.. the gunpowder treason and plot.

I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.

So nag-blog ako ulit because I'm amazed with this movie I just watched. :D My brother and I watched V for Vendetta last night. It's actually based from a graphic novel from DC Comics (which also popularized the likes of Batman and X-Men) made by David Lloyd. The movie was amazing! Very political. Ang galing galing, grabe. Check out this dialogue from V played by Hugo Weaving:

"Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine - the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot."

bakit ganon?

2006-10-06T22:37:00.000-07:00

Andami-dami namang tao..

Bakit ikaw lang nakikita ko?

and another one from superman returns..

2006-10-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

Superman: (to Jason in his sleep) You will be different. Sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son.

home

2006-09-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

http://fiftybenefits.blogspot.com

empty apartment

2006-09-20T03:21:00.000-07:00

Waking up from this nightmare,

How's your life?

What's it like there?

Is it all what you want it to be?..

Does it hurt when you think about me?

FROM THE SONG: Empty Apartment
ARTIST: Yellowcard

the stages of our grief

2006-08-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

Denial..

Anger..

Guilt..

Depression..

Acceptance.

TITLE: Light On My Shoulder
ARTIST: Susie Suh

It's easier to fall and harder to stand
It's easier to cry and harder to laugh
And I don't know how, I don't know why
But you're the light on my shoulder
When I'm tired.

It's easier to run and harder to be still
It's easier to think and harder to feel
And I don't know how, I don't know why
But you're the light on my shoulder
When I'm tired.

It's easier to hide and harder to trust
It's easier to hate and harder to love
And I don't know how, I don't know anything
But you're the temper in my voice
When I sing.

our very own superman

2006-07-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

"Even though you were raised as a human being, you are not one of them.They can be a great people, Kal-El, if they wish to be. They only lack the light to show them the way. For this reason above all - their capacity for good - I have sent them you.. my only son."
- Jor-El, Superman Returns

ordinary boy

2006-07-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

he said,
"take my hand;
live while you can.
don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand?"

hear you me

2006-07-18T02:42:00.000-07:00

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
Now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
Now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

TITLE: Hear You Me
ARTIST: Jimmy Eat World

reminded

2006-07-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

"I am an unworthy sinner that God chose to rescue and forgive.

This is love."

that scene from OTH

2006-07-03T02:34:00.000-07:00

Brooke: There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer. One a day, but I never sent them 'cause I was afraid.

Lucas: Brooke..

Brooke: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before.. 'cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable.. and I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel.. and I know that doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought that you should know. This was how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you.. I'm just too scared to admit it..

Lucas: Brooke! I'm sorry! What you did with Chris.. it's okay.

Brooke: It's not. It can't be. It's too much to forgive!

Lucas: Well, that's too bad because I forgive you.

Brooke: You can't!

Lucas: I just did. So you're gonna just have to deal with it. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis, and I know I hurt you last time we're together, but..

Brooke: I love you.

Lucas: I love you too.. pretty girl.

hybernating

2006-07-03T02:31:00.000-07:00

with tired eyes,

tired minds,

tired souls..

we slept.

vicarious filii dei

2006-06-26T01:36:00.000-07:00

We had a very interesting topic in Physics today. I realized how astig Sir Manyo is. Check this out:

V - 5
I - 1
C - 100
A - (no value)
R - (no value)
I - 1
U - 5
S - (no value)

F - (no value)
I - 1
L - 50
I - 1
I - 1

D - 500
E - (no value)
I - 1
666

Get it? The latin phrase Vicarius Filii Dei which means "Vicar of the Son of God" has a lot of Roman numeral letters and these letters produce the number 666. Roman numerals include the letters V, I, C, I, U, F and D which are obviously in the phrase. The Roman numerals in the phrase sum up to 666. The Webster's Dictionary defines the word vicar as "one deputed or authorized to perform the functions of another; a substitute in office; a deputy" or in simpler term, replacement. So meaning whoever has the name Vicarious Filii Dei is the apparent "kapalit" of God Himself.. and guess who the owner of this name is? Saint Peter. Oh wow.

I mean, my religion is not Roman Catholic and maybe this just a coincidence, but it's so weird (I'm sure you guys are wondering what this has got to do with Physics! :D). But I don't know. Whatever this creepy thing is, I won't let myself be shaken AGAIN. I know my beliefs, I know where I stand. The whole "seeking the truth" bit has got to stop. I know the Truth. I always have. And that is more than enough. God is more than enough. :)

seven

2006-06-26T01:19:00.000-07:00

I. "Ang hirap mong mahalin eh."
II. And I can't get you out of my dreams..
III. ".. you'll always be special to me."
IV. "I love you.. but TLW."
V. You saved me from myself..
VI. Common prowess.
VII. ..BOUNDARIES..

SEVEN different people..

SEVEN kindred souls.

AND UP UNTIL NOW..

All I need is ONE.

Go figure.

ordinary?

2006-06-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Whose eyes am I behind?
I don't recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design?
I don't want this to be the way that you see me

I don't understand anything anymore
In this world that I'm tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It's anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me, it's fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where's mine?
'Cause you're what I need so very but I'm anything but ordinary..

Can you save me from this world of mine?
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one, look what you've done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You're just a kid
You weren't ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me, it's fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where's mine?
'Cause you're what I need so very but I'm anything but ordinary..

I think I'm trying to save the world from you
You've been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

I'm anything but ordinary
(Ordinary)
I'm anything but ordinary
(Ordinary)

TITLE: Ordinary
ARTIST: Train
OST: Spider-Man II

"i still remember how it was before, and i am holding back the tears no more.."

2006-06-15T02:20:00.000-07:00

And if I say I really knew you well
What would your answer be..
If you were here today?

Well knowing you,
You'd probably laugh and say
That we were worlds apart..
If you were here today.

But as for me,
I still remember how it was before
And I am holding back the tears no more.
I love you.

What about the time we met?
Well, I suppose that you could say
That we were playing hard to get.
Didn't understand a thing,
But we could always sing.

What about the night we cried?
Because there wasn't any reason
Left to keep it all inside.
Never understood a word,
But you were always there with a smile.

But as for me,
I still remember how it was before
And I am holding back the tears no more.
For you were in my song..

SONG: HERE TODAY
ARTIST: PAUL MCCARTNEY

NOTE: Paul McCartney wrote this song after John Lennon died. Aww..

".. now the weight of the world feels like nothing."

2006-06-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

ON THE WAY DOWN by Ryan Cabrera

Sick and tired of this world
And there's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive, and..

Chorus:
On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you..

I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside waiting to breathe?
It's alright
Sunlight on my face
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive, `cause..

(Repeat Chorus)

I was so afraid of going under
But now the weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no, nothing..

Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
Down, down, down
You're all I needed
Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
You're all I needed

And I won't forget the way you loved me

All that I wanted
All that I needed

(Repeat Chorus)

"It hurts like hell when I think of you.
Do you also feel the same pain when you think about me?"

statement of the year

2006-06-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

".. I forgive you."

`di ko man maamin

2006-06-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

.. ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin. :)

the greatest cover-up in human history

2006-06-04T02:09:00.000-07:00

Finally got to watch The Da Vinci Code.

It was okay. I mean, IT WAS SO LIKE THE BOOK. No difference. It was very faithful to Dan Brown's bestseller. I was having trouble putting in my mind that Tom Hanks was Robert Langdon though. I mean, I imagined Robert Langdon in my mind for the longest time while reading Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code that I had trouble thinking that Tom Hanks was SUPPOSED to be Robert Langdon. It felt kind of weird but it's okay. It's actually quite good. It's not as, well.. panget as I expected it to be. So I'm obviously eating my words now. =D As usual, Ian McKellen was awesome in playing Leigh Teabing. But I still don't understand what the fuss is all about. They just made the whole thing even more publicized than it already was. Oh well.

School's starting this week. And yeah, I enrolled in College of St. Catherine which means it's the start of a whole new chapter for me. (It's weird, one minute I'm talking about The Da Vinci Code and the next I'm talking about school. Please just bear with me. =D) I'm starting on a clean slate (again!) and it feels just like Kindergarten. I just hope I made the right decision. You know what the hardest part of life is? It's the fact that life has no pat answers - you just have to stumble around in the dark and hope you end up making the right decisions. I'm actually thankful to my parents for trusting me on this. At least now I can say that this is my choice; and that they didn't do it for me. It was hard. Last week they were all, "Oh, i-eenroll ka na ba namen? Mag-decide kana." And for one week I was contemplating on whether I will stay or go. Obviously, I decided to go. SO like Abbie Esguerra, don't you think? Magaling tumakbo. :)

I'm out. I have forgiven, and it doesn't matter if we didn't have proper closure. Starting tomorrow, it will all be gone and it will just be nothing but a closed book. I don't regret ANYTHING that happened because I learned a lot. I won't forget the wonderful friendships that I had. For the past three years that I have been in high school, I thought I was an expert on people. This summer, I learned I was wrong.

I realized that humanity is one of the many things in this world I will never understand, and honestly.. I fear what I don't understand.

I think I won't be able to blog for the next few weeks. My parents won't allow me to use the computer anymore so I can focus on school. Oh well.. buh-bye, internet. We'll see each other again soon. =D

this song is dedicated to you..

2006-05-27T03:15:00.000-07:00

IF I AM by Nine Days

So you're standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall
So far down
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping
Now you could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly
I'm not content to crawl..

So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I want to be with you forever
If tomorrow's not too late

Refrain:
But it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today

Chorus:
If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
IF I AM
ONLY HERE TO WATCH YOU AS YOU SUFFER
..I WILL LET YOU DOWN..

So you're walking on the edge
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
And you could find the fault
In the heart that you've been handed
For though you cannot fly
You're not content to crawl..

(Repeat Refrain and Chorus)

So you're standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall..

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
The answers we find
Are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along
I won't mention tomorrow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep..
I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you..
..I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN..

SONG: IF I AM
ARTIST: NINE DAYS

seasons change

2006-05-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

"Here is a trustworthy saying that demands full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life."
- 1 Timothy 1:15-16

Sa mga nagtatanong kung baket wala ako sa Upgrade, I've been sick for the past week. Sorry. Actually sobrang na-fru-frustrate na nga ako kasi andami ko nang na-miss. Eh ayaw naman akong papasukin ni Mommy. Tsaka si Krizsa din, sabi mag-stay na lang daw ako sa bahay. So sumusunod lang ako sa mga utos nila. :)

So excited nako mapanuod yung The Da Vinci Code. I mean, hinihintay ko na lang yung DVD because obviously, R-18 yung pelikula at hindi ko siya mapapanuod sa movie house mismo. Although may mga nagsasabe panget daw and pinagtatawanan daw ng critics. I guess we'll have to see. I mean on my personal opinion, hindi rin naman sobrang maganda yung book. I mean for me the story's good, kaya lang.. basta may something about it that doesn't make me go WHOAH. :D Gets niyo what I mean? For instance, andaming plot holes. Andami ding inaccuracies in Dan Brown's so-called "facts". Very poorly researched and one-dimensional yung mga characters. I mean, walang depth. Walang lalim. Especially si Langdon. Pero tingin ko people should stop bickering about it. I mean, novel lang naman yun! It's work of art. I'm going to watch it because it's entertainment and NOTHING ELSE. But don't listen to me; I mean bata lang naman ako and ano nga ba namang alam ko diyan diba? Hehe. :D

Excited din ako manuod ng X-Men III: The Last Stand! I mean super astig daw. Again, ephasis on the word DAW. I'll have to see it for myself. Well sa bagay, obvious naman eh.. trailer palang ang ganda na. Waaaah! =D

Anyway.. pictures nung 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary ng grandparents ko.

Grow Old With You
by Adam Sandler

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do
Is grow old with you
I'll give you medicine
When your tummy aches
Build you a fire when the furnace breaks
It could be so nice
Growing old with you
I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you got too much to drink
I could be the man
That grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you..

Sobrang naiyak kami nung exchange of vows. I mean for fifty long years they stayed together. Kind of reminds me of The Notebook. Pag ako nagka-asawa, gusto ko ganyan din kami katagal. Nowadays kasi parang sobrang imposible na na mag-stay together kayo. Nagjojoke nga yung lolo't lola ko eh, under the principle of no choice lang daw kaya sila nag-tagal for fifty years. But of course, joke lang yun. They stayed together because after so many years, they still love each other.

O, random pics.

With Tita Vida and Ate J in Starbucks.

So I started painting again, right? Well, I came up with something that looks like this. I call it.. GOING IN CIRCLES.. Waha ang baduy mehn! =D

Ginagaya ko yung mga pose ng Suede kaya lang hindi ko magawa eh. May mga ganung shots kasi si Kuya sa kwarto niya tapos nung tinanong ko kung pano niya ginawa yung shot na naka-headphone tapos nakaupo sa sahig, sabi niya self-timed daw yung camera. Haha! At sa youth camp sa Baguio niya ginawa yun! =D

Papuntang Upgrade.

Dalawa sa mga pinakamamahal ko na mga tao: Mark and Krizsa. During Upgrade yan. Tama bang mag-piktyur piktyur? =D

So ayun lang naman.. Ta-ta na! :D

naaalala mo toh?

2006-05-21T03:56:00.000-07:00

My name is Gossip.
I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning, malicious, and gather strength without age.
The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.
I flourish at every level of society.
My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody's friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion. I spawn suspicion and generate grief. I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses.
I am called GOSSIP. Office gossip - Shop gossip - Party gossip - Telephone gossip. I make headlines and headaches. REMEMBER, before you repeat a story, ask yourself: is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary? If not, do not repeat it. KEEP QUIET.
GREAT minds discuss ideas.. AVERAGE minds discuss events.. SHALLOW minds discuss people.. which are you?

Grabe. Mamulat sana ang kanilang mga mata. :)

NEW ENTRIES

2006-05-21T03:53:00.000-07:00

O, mga entries na hindi ko na-post. Puro naka-save lang sa Notepad. Nagka-problema kasi yung connection namen eh. :D

Btw, lumang pictures na hindi ko pa na-popost. Sobrang dami pa niyan eh, pero tatlo na lang muna ilalagay ko.

Sa Tiendesitas with Kuya B and Ate J.

With baby cousins Bry and Shandy in Powerplant.

Prom ni Mark sa Claret. March 17, 2006.

ALONZO! Mom's side. Sobrang not complete dahil lahat nasa Amerika na. I love my family. :)

May 19, 2006. Friday. 11:06 AM.

I'm sick.

Really! Kasi kagabi, masakit lang yung ulo ko and may slight fever. So hindi ko na masyadong pinansin kasi lately lagi naman masakit yung ulo ko eh. Tapos ba naman, I felt sick tapos blow na lang ako nang blow! Hindi ko alam kung baket wala naman laman yung stomach ko. Tapos sabi ng doctor yun pala yung dahilan. Wala laman yung tiyan ko, tapos nag-coffee ako. Sheeesh.

So nakita ko kahapon yung mga old paintings and drawings ko. May hinahanap kasi ako tapos I stumbled upon my old art works. Tapos parang naging sentimental ako for a while tapos pinakita ko kay Mommy. Ito yung naging conversation namin oh:

abbie: ma, hindi na pala ko nag-p-paint. diba dati paint ako nang paint kahit panget, remember? nung nasa grade school ako?
mommy: oo, eh naging busy ka nung high school eh.
(naging quiet ako for a while tapos inisip ko yung next na sasabihin)
abbie: mommy, gusto ko ulit.
mommy: (nag-smile) o sige bibili tayo ng bagong materials.

So na-realize ko.. oo nga noh. I missed out on a lot since I entered high school. Ang daming nabago sakin since I entered high school. And I realized how much I miss being that good old simple person. Hehehehe. Tapos naalala ko pa, dream ko pala dati yung mag-paint ng piano. No joke. Yung isang buong piano, pipinturahan ko lang ng flowers, butterflies, bees, etc. Sabi ko sainyo ang weird ko eh! Hehehehe. :D

May 14, 2006. Tuesday. 01:05 AM.

Feeling ko tibo ako. As in.

Kasi naman, tingnan niyo. Ang bilis ko magandahan sa babae. Mahilig ako sa rock and movies na panlalake. Pati books and comics and stuff. Lately nahihilig din ako sa cars and ang tambayan ko ngayon yung race track ni Dad sa The Fort. I mean, ilang babae kilala niyo na ganyan? I must've been a guy in my past life. HAHA, AS IF! Wala namang past life noh. Hindi nga ako naniniwala dun eh. Haha ang labo. I actually asked my brother about it. You know, I told him na feeling ko nga I'm tibo. He just shrugged at dineadma ako. Hindi niya pinansin. Weird. I mean, hindi ba niya nakikita na this is a disaster his little sister is going through?!

IS THIS IDENTITY CRISIS?! HELP ME!

OOPS, JOKE LANG PO. Sabi ko sa inyo pawang ka-walang kwentahan lang mga pinagsususulat ko dito eh. Hehehe. For the record, BABAENG BABAE PO AKO. Wala kasi akong magawa. Bored, sobra. Again, JOKE LANG JOKE LANG JOKE LANG.

Anyway..

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Tinatapos ko ngayon yung application form ko for UP and I haven't decided which course to take up yet. Pambihira, sino ba naman mag-aakalang ganito pala kahirap pumili ng course?! Madami ako gustong gawin eh. Pero as of now, ang pinakagusto ko talaga eh yung may kinalaman sa writing. Kaya lang most of them quota eh. Tsaka wala daw trabaho dun. :( So medyo nagkaron ng diskusyon sa bahay. Sabi ni Kuya, kung saan ako masaya, dun. Kahit na walang pera, basta whatever my heart wants, dun daw. Sabi ko naman I agree. Ayoko kasi magaya dun sa iba na shift nang shift ng course kasi hindi masaya. Kung gusto ko daw ng pera, Nursing. Kaya lang hello. Ayoko naman mag-nurse. Don't get me wrong, I look up to nurses. Kaya lang I don't think it's a path I want to take. Sabi naman ni Mommy at Daddy, hindi daw praktikal kung sunod nang sunod sa heart. Eh ako naman, I just wanna write. And draw. And make music. Yung mga yun. Simple lang naman gusto ko eh. Madali naman ako sumaya. Hehehe. Hindi naman ako achiever. Basta masaya, dun. At magkapamilya. Alam niyo na, lahat ng kakornihan. Hehehehe. Kaya ang ending ko, hindi pa tapos yung applcation form. Ipag-pray ko daw muna. Pero alam niyo, there's one thing I REALLY wanna do.. it's just a pipe dream, I guess. Pero free naman mangarap diba? Gusto ko maging editor-in-chief ng isang teens magazine.. mala-Candymag, pero Christian. Parang Brio pero Filipino style. I mean, wala pang ganon sa Pinas diba? Astig siguro kung magkakaron. Wala lang, dream lang. Sabi ko sainyo korni eh. Lumayas na nga kayo sa blog ko! Hehe joke lang po. Tingin ko nga wala nang nagbabasa nito dahil ang sagwa ko mag-blog eh. Hehe. I mean, wala naman rules in blogging diba? Screw the system! Liberty to korni people like me! Hehehehe. So pwede niyo ba ko tulungan pumili ng course? Madaming nagsabi Journalism daw. Pwede. Iniisip ko rin nga Creative Writing eh. Kaya lang naisip ko, pag nag-Journalism ako, pwede akong mag-Creative Writing pero pag nag-Creative Writing ako, hindi ako pwede mag-Journalism. So mas praktikal mag-Journalism. Labo ba?

At sa sobrang gulo ng isip ko ngayon, iniisip ko na sa States na lang mag-college. As in. I'm serious. Alam mo yun, to get it over with na lang. Kaya lang mahirap pumasok sa Ivy League schools. Kaya lang not getting into them would be a big embarrassment. Don't you think? Sabi ng mga pinsan ko dun, pag sa Pinas daw kasi, parang lahat ng work nasa government. Pero sa States, kung masipag ka at magaling, may work ka. Napaisip ako. Oo nga noh.

Iniisip ko din lagyan ng password tong blog ko, tapos ang mga nakakaalam lang yung mga kilala ko nang personal. Wala lang, para mas madami akong pwedeng maisulat na kakornihan without people talking about how weird and peculiar and odd I am. Haha pare-pareho lang meaning nun eh noh! Haha wala lang. I realized kasi how enjoying it is to blog and write about how you REALLY feel, yung tipong isusulat mo lang lahat ng gusto mo without worrying about how the readers would react. Andun ako sa point na yun ngayon ng buhay ko eh. Yung tipong ang sarap magiging totoo sa sarili mo.. ngayon ko lang kasi nagawa toh eh. Like now, sobrang nag-eenjoy ako. Ang sarap maging carefree.. alam niyo yun.. light-hearted. It's so nice to just let the wind blow you away. Korni, pero totoo. Pero siyempre importante din naman maging troubled ka diba pero ang saya kasi eh. Yung tipong hayaan mo na lang and just let go of all the bitterness and agony. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam eh. It's so nice to forgive and breathe the free air. Hay..

Okay babay na. Hehehe.

walang kwentang post

2006-05-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

Ang panget ng title. Seryoso. Pero totoo naman. HAHAHA.

So galing ako sa church.. I attended Upgrade Review Classes. So literally pagod na yung utak ko at yung mata ko. Lalo pako na-bad trip when I found out that I left my glasses at home. Actually, wala nang masyadong tulong yun dahil sobrang labo na ng mata ko but they still help anyways. Wala lang. Ang sarap mag-blog ng Tagalog, yung tipong ita-type ko lang lahat ng nasa isip ko without having to worry about grammar. BWAHAHAHA. :D

Anyway.. maslalo pang masakit yung mata ko dahil pinaiyak ako ng mga taong mahal na mahal ko. *wink* First time ko kasi umiyak in weeks. Sobrang na-manhid na yata ako, ewan. Ngayon lang ulit. So hanggang ngayon masakit paren yung mata ko. Hahaha. GRABE ANG SARAP TALAGA MAG-BLOG NG TAGALOG! :D

So magkukuwento ko about movies I've seen throughout the summer vacation. In a span of one and a half months, I was able to develop a fondness for boys' movies. As in Action, Fantasy, the works. So ngayong summer lang ako nagkaron ng chance to watch my brother's DVDs. At dahil sa haba ng summer, I was left with nothing to do. Enjoy naman. Nakakaaliw. Manunuod nga ako ng Saving Private Ryan now na eh. Talagang nag-net lang ako to blog and to check Friendster. Hehehehe.

See ya all later. :)

dream of me

2006-05-14T00:49:00.000-07:00

Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you are here
You're mine
And all my fears are left behind..

I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabies
So let me close my eyes..

And sleep;
A chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
My only dreams can bring me this

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see..
And maybe when he dreams..
He'll dream of me..

I'll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away..
Dream away, dream away, dream away..
I'll dream away..

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see..
And maybe when he dreams..
He'll dream of me..

TITLE: Dream of Me
ARTIST: Kirsten Dunst

sabi ng daddy ko..

2006-05-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

Sabi ng Daddy ko I should talk to somebody.. so now that's what I'm trying to do. I'm going to be perfectly transparent now. I don't care who reads this. I just want to be true to myself. After all, wala naman masyadong may alam nitong blog ko na toh. So anyway I talked to a lot of people in YM last night. Most of them I don't know personally. Call me crazy, but I DID confide to people I haven't even met. I think that's the point.. it's a LOT easier to talk to people you don't know if you ask me. The only bad thing about it is that they don't listen carefully. Hay. Kaya honestly I don't think it helped. After talking to everybody online in YM, I realized parang wala namang masyadong pinagkaiba. Please bear with me right now, wala kasi ako sa mood mag-english. Pasensya na kayo. :) And if you wanna leave my blog right now, ayos lang. I think I need to pour out my sentiments now because if I don't, sasabog na yung puso ko. Okay, call me OA, but that's how I feel. =X As I was saying a while ago, halos wala namang naitulong kasi I really felt like the ones I talked to last night weren't listening as in REALLY listening, kaya idadaan ko na lang sa blog. So I talked to a lot of people diba? Sa YM and sa phone. Most of them walang naitulong. Except for one..

*EDITED*
ako: ano pang gusto mong i-explain ko sayo? sinabi ko na sayo lahat
siya: i want you to tell me the truth
ako: the truth about what? which truth? madaming truths
siya: you
ako: me?
siya: yeah
ako: what about me?
siya: i want to know the real reason
ako: huh?
*long, awkward silence*
siya: i wanna know why you're so angry
ako: *speechless*

After that, napaisip ako. Oo nga noh? Bakit nga ba? And then *POOF* (light bub appears out of nowhere), I suddenly remembered why. And I explained to him ONE BY ONE. As expected, hindi niya naintindihan.

siya: di ko gets. parang walang sense.
ako: i didn't expect you to get it naman eh. manhid ka kasi.
siya: well excuse me for not going around everywhere while screaming "screw the world"
ako: you enjoy provoking me talaga eh noh.

Of course we know we were just screwing each other. Masyado na naming kilala yung isa't isa para mapikon pa.

Ayun. Share ko lang.

Anyway, change topic na. Mothers' Day ngayon. So HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS READING MY BLOG kung meron man. Okay. So after all the nonsense I wrote above, I'm going to blog naman about my Mom. :)

the world would be a much better place if everyone had a mother like you.

My Mom - Maria Immaculada Concepcion Alonzo Esguerra. Wow Maria Immaculada Concepcion! Sinaunang-sinauna yung pangalan eh noh. She was born kasi on December 8 and I think my grandparents were a big fan of Mary or something. Okay over-share. Anyway, my Mom is an incredibly beautiful, super talented, exceptionally intelligent, extraordinarily kind woman. Yet despite all of these.. she's just SO humble. As in sobrang humble. Ibang iba yung values na kinalakihan namin. She taught us to be well-rounded and to be strong no matter what. She also has this indominable spirit. A trait, everyone says, she passed on to my big sister Jaja. They're both incredibly strong kasi. She says ganon din naman ako, hindi lang fully-developed (I really doubt it though). But I'm really very proud of her. Everything we have become and everything we will be, we owe to her. Siya ang aking epitome of beauty and brains. I want to be just like her when I grow old. Mahal na mahal ko yan eh. She's one woman every kid would be proud to call "Mom". :)

Hay. I'm really not okay right now. Do I look okay to you? I thought so. But despite everything, I'm glad to know that there are still people who won't let me go. My angels in disguise..

Sige tama na, sobrang over-share na lahat toh eh! Hehehe.

Feels good though.

unleashing my inner D

2006-05-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

Long have you underestimated me.

Long have I eluded you.

NO MORE.

lord of the rings trilogy

2006-05-03T01:36:00.000-07:00

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them. One ring to bring them all in the darkness and bind them."

I never thought I would feel strongly about JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy until I watched the extended edition DVD of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King that my brother bought in Amazon.com. We have the books, but I never had time to read them. But when I finally watched all of the extended editions of all three movies, I fell in love with it. I found out that JRR Tolkien is also a Christian, like CS Lewis. Other writers said that Tolkien believed that "God humbled Himself and became human to save mankind". So when you read the books and watch the films, there are also some points that are biblical. There was this one memorable time in Fellowship of the Ringwhen Frodo was talking to Gandalf about the heavy burden he carried - the ring.

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

And here's another one from The Two Towers.

Frodo: I can't do this Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo.. and it's worth fighting for.

Now I'm off to the bookstore to find a copy of the book Frodo and Harry. It's a book that compares the two highly acclaimed fantasy series Lord of the Rings andJK Rowling's Harry Potter. I saw it once in Power Books but I wasn't able to buy it, and now I'm going to. :D Also, I'm looking for some Lord of the Rings layout for this blogsite and I'm going to change it when I had the time. Am I addicted or what? :)

greatest love story of all time

2006-04-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

In line with the Holy Week, I'm going to post something (I'm not exactly sure what it is) I made last last year after watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. I got the chance to watch a few of the clips from the movie again yesterday at church, and what the heck, it still made me cry. Anyway, here's a trivia: Do you know that it was Mel Gibson's hand that hammered James Caviezel's hands to the cross? He said it was because he was "one of the people who crucified Jesus Christ". Haha, I keep on posting this every year! It has become a tradition..

The Passion of the Christ: The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

I was excited to watch this film. Not just because of all the news about it. But because I would somehow witness what my Savior did for me.

One of the main things that struck me about Jesus was His look of love toward Malchus, toward Judas, toward Peter, toward Barabbas, toward His mother, toward John, toward the thief, toward Mary Magdalene, toward Simon of Cyrene, toward those who struck Him, toward everyone. And that look of love is directed toward me as well. Every inch of Him is love. There is nothing in Him that hates. There is nothing in Him that complains. There is nothing in Him that seeks revenge. He is not angry at those who sinned against Him. He is not angry at me even if I contributed to the strips on His back with every sin that I have committed and with every sin I will still commit.

What love is this? It is a crazy love, illogical. And yet illogical seems to be heaven’s specialty. That is why God tells me to walk by faith and not be sight, to trust in Him with all my heart and not rely on my own understanding. That is why He forgives me every time I repent. Unconditional. It is easy for me because it cost Him so much.

It is a strong love. It is a love that endures to the end. No shortcuts. No easy routes. Just the long, rough way. In the midst of His suffering. In the pool of His blood.

It is a selfless love. Jesus does not even think of Himself even as I cry for Him. No, He is determined to do the will of His Father. And in doing so, He saves me from myself.

A wretch I am. My sins crucified Him. But the love of my sweet Jesus is not conquered by my darkness. Those very lashes, those very wounds, have become my saving grace. Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more. And now there is only His beauty for my ashes.

Jesus's love leaves me speechless. What do I say to this Man who took upon Himself the death sentence that due me? I grapple for words. "Thank you" seems so inadequate. "Sorry" does not seem enough. But more than anything, I know that He wants me. He wants my love. He thirsts for my love.

And so I respond with a grateful heart. And a grateful life. And as He rises from the dead, I rise with Him. All things are new. I am free.

Jesus, seeing You portrayed on the big screen has somehow renewed my love for You. It was as if I could touch You. I can't wait for the day when I will see You for real, in person, face to face. Until that day, I commit myself to You. You are the reason I live. I will live for You all the days of my life. Let this be my way of thanking You for all that You've done for me. And yes, I love You. :)

movies

2006-04-06T01:25:00.000-07:00

Here are the movies I watched this week. I hate being a bum but it's okay. I mean, it's summer anyway.

"When you need me but do not want me, I must stay. But when you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go."

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them." (Yep you read right; the story of She's the Man is based on Shakespeare's last play, Twelfth Night)

"There's a big difference between a failure and a fiasco."

"It takes time to be funny. It takes time to extract joy from life."

"And don't worry. Because as great as you look tonight, you are safe with me." (And Orlando Bloom was oh-so cute when he said it. :D)

"In that moment, I knew. Success, not greatness, was the only god the world served."

"Homes are for free expression, not for good impression."

"I might not know who I am but I know who I'm not, I'm not someone who lets her country down."

Charlie: And about the holidays..
Viola: Are you gonna keep me away?
Charlie: You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids' lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can't. Like how to throw a right hook for example. I want you there, Viola. I do, up front and center. From this point I will not negotiate.
Ruby: Damn, that girl can give a nice little speech!

curiousity killed the cat

2006-04-05T04:44:00.000-07:00

And now due to insistent public demand I'm blogging again. :) This will probably my first and last entry of the month! BWAHA. By the way, I'm TOTALLY going to pour my heart on this one. I need to, so I'm going to forget about the whole being "restricted and careful about what I write" thing I wrote on the right side of your screen. Once again, I'm eating my words! :D

Actually, it's this bizaare thing that happened which triggered me to blog again. After this incident my fingers itched to type my thoughts about it instantly.

Anyway, I was alone in the bodega room the other day when I saw this old notebook covered with Hello Kitty wrapper. I recognized what it was the minute I saw it: it was my old slum book from grade school (yeah, I was one of the nerdy freaks who did hand-made slum books but it was a project in English). Anyway, because of curiousity I opened it, totally oblivious and unprepared for what was in store for me. After reading pages and pages, it all came back to me. And the REAL reasons for why those things happened dawned on me all at once. Shortly after, tears came rolling down my eyes for reasons I couldn't understand. The childhood memories.. memories in grade school.. all the bullying and the knock-downs and the trauma I've been through.. my goodness. Who would've thought something so juvenile could determine who I am now? Who would've known something so petty and immature could affect me so? As bad as it is, I still think my past made me the person I am today: emotionally weak, running scared, and afraid of showing too much. I was treated wrongfully because I wasn't street-smart, because I didn't know how to wash my own dishes or sweep the floor, because I didn't have boyfriends or girlfriends like they did.

But why can't some people get over the past? I mean, take me for example. It's been, what, three years and yet I'm still stressing over this. Why can't we just simply let go of it and move on with our lives? Maybe the reason why I'm bitter is because we (I mean me and the other people involved) never had proper closure. I graduated Elementary still not talking to my childhood bestfriend because of our issues. Whenever I see these people, we just give each other a nod and acknowledge each other's presence but we would never talk normally like we used to. And why am I even affected by this? I mean, we were young, we probably didn't even know what we were doing, but I really don't remember a single thing I did that made them hate me so much.

Maybe sometimes, part of the reason why we can't get over the past is because we don't know how to forgive. We keep on blaming other people for what we've turned into when actually, it's our fault for letting them affect us. One very sensible person once told me, "We only got one life and one chance and it's up to us what we make of it." (Yeah dude, you know who you are. I can't wait to talk to you about this!) I told this to my Mom and all she could say was, "Maybe God's telling you something." And yeah, I feel so too. Maybe this time, He's really telling me to stop.

I'll get over this. Soon.

(eww, i'm sorry about this. please just bear with me. :D)

i love thee

2006-03-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Look what I wrote on December 3, 2004. Unbelievable. I can't BELIEVE I actually wrote this for the whole world to see! =S

SHADOW
by Ashlee Simpson

I was six years old when my parents ran away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me

Chorus:
Living in the shadow of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold
But every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
And now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me..

All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity
So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen..

Chorus II:
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry..

Bridge:
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past is in the past..

Chorus III:
I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me

Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day

"I've been compared to my older sister all my life. Looks, clothes, personality, talent -- name it. And because of that I've become cold and distant to everyone. Whenever we attend family reunions and gatherings, she's always being praised while I was pushed on the sidelines. I did feel like I was only second best.

I think the younger ones will always finish last because they think those who are older will always be original. It hurts when you are being compared to your sister. It's like you can't have this "I'm-my-own-person" kind of thing. Everyone will watch your every move, thinking that you have to act like your ate or something. You have to be perfect in all aspects or else they will eat you alive. I can't be me because they expect me to be like her. I have to be someone I'm not to be accepted.

But it's all in the past now! I know that it's also this psychological thing that went through my head as I grew up. Sometimes I still feel that way, but not as bad as before. My sis and I are okay, though. She's actually very sensitive and considerate of my feelings.. inaalalayan naman niya ko. And the people around me are okay. I think they have come to accept that we're two different people.

I've become my own person."

I love you, sis. Always. In my thoughts, in my heart, in my prayers. I love you. Always, Ja. Always.

Happy 18th Birthday! <3

sometimes they come back..

2006-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

I'm back.

The following are quotes from the WB drama One Tree Hill. I decided to post them because I don't want to explain myself any further. The quotes are subject to interpretation. :D

Brooke (about Lucas): When I'm around him, I can't breathe; and when I'm not around him, I want to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nathan (to Haley): When I fell to the floor tonight, I was so scared, I was so terrified. Then I saw you, and I promised myself that if I could just get up, I'd walk over to you.. I'd tell you how much I need you and how much I want you.. and how nothing else matters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucas: I don't get you. You want to express yourself through your art but you don't want anyone to know it's you..
Peyton: I guess I'm just a girl wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch.
Lucas: Or just a tormented artist..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucas: Brooke, I never meant to hurt you.
Brooke: That doesn't really matter, Lucas. 'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peyton's subconscience: I'm not the one who sent her away. People always leave or Peyton always drives them away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucas Scott: Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago. In the sacred spaces of our hearts.

on blog-leave

2006-02-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

I'm on blog-leave. I may not be back in a few months or so. :) We'll see. Bye guys! :D I'll see you when I see you.

At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one people in the world.

Some.. are running scared.

Some.. are coming home.

Some tell lies to make it through the day.

Others are just not facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good.

And some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world..

six billion souls.

And sometimes..

all you need is one.

testify to love

2006-01-22T03:59:00.000-08:00

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be the witness in the silence when the words are not enough..
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love..

it's friday the 13th!

2006-01-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

Not that it makes any difference. Hehe. :D

Just came home from school. I've been busy with Ibong Adarna practices and Sir Felipe wants to add more practice time so for the next one month I'll be home late on most days. Rawr. It's SO worth it though.. I'm REALLY excited. It's been a while since SPS had another play after Prince of Egypt, and I know we have to at least be able to measure up to what it achieved and it's SO not easy.. it's hard work. =S But I know all the hard work and sacrifices will be worth it. :) The SPS Music Society is also busy organizing this year's Band Fest.. now I'm REALLY pressured, just like Marielle. We're still in the process of talking to Sponge Cola if they will be able to play.. now now.. you might be laughing right now and you might think it's COMPLETELY not plausible for the band to play in an unknown private school, but well.. you know.. we have our SOURCES.. hehe! And puh-leez, we're so stinkin` tired of Hale! I have nothing against them though; Champ is a cutie, but I'm so tired of hearing their songs ALL THE TIME! Everywhere I turn I hear Kung Wala Ka. Hehehehe. :D (I hope the Hale fans take my ramblings as a compliment, what I'm saying is the band is so sikat already, nakakasawa na.. *wink*) I'm so busy right now, I'm surprised I even have the time to BLOG, for pete's sake. I'm also looking for a product to sponsor our JS Prom. I have so much to do! I'm already busy with A LOT of school work as it is. But oh well, that's life..

So `till here, still have to finish an article for the school paper.. (PatricKAL) :D Bye peeps! Mwah. *

this angel has flown away from me..

2006-01-12T05:47:00.000-08:00

HEAVEN KNOWS (This Angel Has Flown)

There are times when I'm lying in my bed
Hug my pillow and cry from this tip again
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed down, swelling, as I keep on
Dipping my face in these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how bitter I am

Chorus:
'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings and made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
Did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me?
Aah..

I'm so tired, I feel like catching forty winks
Being up all night in this elbow room
That puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now my lips are burning and my eyes are hurting
From this fuse I mixed `till I light another
Cigarette just to pass my time, oh
Heaven knows how bitter I am

(Repeat Chorus)

Anyway..

I busied myself with a lot of school work this week so I never had the time to blog. I'm actually on a break so now I'm blogging. Hehehehe. :D

Pictures. [Sorry kung malaki masyado, nakakatamad kasi mag-resize.] :D

During the Christmas break I spent a lot of nights just drinking cofee in Starbucks, watching bands in El Pescador in Metrowalk, and dancing the night away in Decades (Metrowalk din). I was always with my sibs though, so no drinking for me (but my Ate J was allowed to drink Vodka Cruiser. Rar! =S). It's okay. I don't drink anyway. We also spent a lot of time in Eastwood, too (OUT OF BOREDOM!). Actually my sis is the only one in the family who's a true-blue GIMIKERA, nahawa lang kaming lahat out of boredom! Hehe. So I really enjoyed the holidays. :D

I also went to our house in Tarlac just before New Year. There I was able to have many deep-thinking sessions because it was super quiet there, not like busy Manila. It was just very laid-back and carefree. I'm considering living there for good if it weren't for the lack of good schools. Hehe.. and I don't want to be probinsyana noh.. ANG SAMA KO! Waaah. =P

Michael, Erin, Chiro, and Justine. Originally Mike and Erin were the only ones who were supposed to be in the picture since they were to play Mary and Joseph but Chiro and Juss wanted to join the pic so all four of them ended up having a pictorial session. Nag-mukha tuloy binyag. Haha! :D

My Joby Bear.. IS PREGNANT! Hehe, I'm so excited! :D

Dana and I. Christmas day! :)

Ate J and I.. LOVE YOU SIS. :D <3

So there. Buh-bye. :D

"You're the Air that i breathe.. the Water i thirst for.. and the Ground beneath my feet.. You're everything, everything to me.."

2006-01-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

Enjoyed Christmas and New Year. :D

`Nuff said.

I'm really not in the mood to blog right now, so I will just put pics later in this entry and prolly make a decent entry tomorrow to make up for my laziness. :) Pics were taken December 20 onwards. :D By the way, I'm currently using Internet Explorer so the date and time of this entry is messed up. Yeah, so there.

Infinite X's and O's to everyone, MUCH LOVE. <3

Currently playing: Everything to Me by Avalon. Beautiful, love it. Look at the lyrics carefully and you'll see what I mean.

EVERYTHING TO ME
by Avalon

I grew up in Sunday School
I memorized the Golden Rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free..
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary..
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But I'll never be the same
Because he changed my life when He became..

Chorus:
Everything to me
He's more than a story
More than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breathe
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet..
He's everything, everything to me..

We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I'm aware
Of just how fragile life can be
I want to tell the world I found
A love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm praying
Just to give my heart away
I want to live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that he is..

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
And looking back over my life at the end
I'll go to meet you, saying you've been..

Everything to me
You're more than a story
More than words on a page of history
You're everything to me
You're more than a story
More than words on a page of history
You're the air that I breathe
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
You're everything to me
Lord, you're everything to me..

holding on..

2005-12-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

"If you felt it, then it was true.. Getting hurt doesn't always mean you suffered, it also means you loved sincerely. Don't frown `coz it's over; smile because it happened.."

i don't just miss you, i miss US..

2005-12-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

Don't you remember when we said, "We hope.. and we know.. we would never be apart. Distance can't separate us.. we will always be together.. because our friendship is not worth leaving."?

I remember when we used to stay up until the wee hours in the morning because there were just too many stories to tell.

And who can forget the nasty words? The exchange during heated arguments? Intense emotions sure did heighten the pride..

Don't you remember we used to show patience and understanding even when confronted with pain?

You were the ones who taught me love, courage and humility by your mere words - "I'M SORRY."

But now that we said our goodbyes.. walked to different paths.. gone our separate ways.. I will never forget the friendship that used to have..

I miss us, four roses.. :'(

Love, Brie.

"It is by fate we met, by choice we became friends."

"Beyond our understanding, His hand is moving and we stand amazed."

the chronicles of narnia

2005-12-21T10:56:00.000-08:00

Andrea and I had a chance to bond again yesterday (so unexpected and so not part of the plan :D). It so happens that I was surfing the net in Netopia when she was also online and asked me if I wanted to come over and watch The Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe so I said yes because her house was not far from where I was naman.

When I got there, we had a major food trip and ate A LOT. We also started watching the movie and guess what.. it was so beautifully made. Kudos to Walt Disney for the wonderful job. *cheers* Astig, I had high hopes for this movie and they were in fact met. Haha, inggit si Kuya! *pish* :D I still have plans of watching the movie in wide screen though.

I've always been a fan of CS Lewis and his books. I read a few books from The Chronicles of Narnia but I must say that my favorite is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. If you read the book, you'll notice that the story is purely symbolical. No wonder it's also the most popular one. CS Lewis is SUCH a great writer.

Anyway..

I also went to our class Christmas party yesterday. I received an awful lot of gifts. Thanks to everyone who gave me, by the way. Love you all. :D Gerard was the one who got my name in the class exchange gift and he gave me a stuffed toy from Blue Magic named Fuzzy Woozy. Thanks, Gerard! It was so cuuute! Thanks so much! :D From the Music Ministry, Alana got my name but she wasn't able to buy anything so she said she will just hand me the gift in January. It's okay, dear. Thanks in advance! :D In our barkada, Tin-Tin was the one who got me and she gave me a cute pink fluffy pillow. Thanks dearie! Love you. :D

I wasn't able to buy presents for everyone I wanted to because I was only able to buy gifts for my monito and monitas. For Michael whom I made bunot from the barkada I bought a perfume from Mossimo (super expensive but worth it). For Jee Ann whom I got from the Music Ministry, I also bought a perfume but this time from Herbench. For Charmaine whom I got from the class exchange gift I bought a silver ring from Filigrenasia, also VERY MUCH expensive but even MORE worth it since she's leaving next year. *sigh* Cham, we're really going to miss you.. I hope you don't have to leave. :(

There. I enjoyed our party but I really can't help but feel like something's missing. Oh well.

One of these days.. when it's time to uncover my deepest thoughts.. I will write about my newly made decision for the benefit of those I care for. But since it's not yet time, I won't be revealing it yet. :D

"let me go.."

2005-12-20T15:08:00.000-08:00

LET ME GO
3 Doors Down

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

Chorus:
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm going through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

Chorus:
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go..
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

Chorus:
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me..

Beautiful song.. *sigh*

back in blogspot

2005-12-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

I'M BACK!

I finally came to my senses and realized that Blogspot is the place to be! :D

Hehe. Blog again tomorrow.

By the way, advanced merry Christmas, world. :D

*hugs and smooches*